You know what? We spend entirely too much time comparing ourselves and our progress to others. It’s self-defeating and silly. We all have different sets of skills and we all face different obstacles. You don’t know what advantages others have had and they don’t know what tribulations you’ve had to overcome. Each situation is different. Let’s each worry about our own timeline and nobody else’s. Let’s forgive opportunities we’ve missed and embrace the progress ahead.
Archives for posts with tag: positive
Every single thing we work on is a combination of simpler things. Even the simpler things can be broken down again and again. It’s easy to forget this and get overwhelmed and bogged down.
When facing something complicated, let’s all remember it is our job to make it less complicated. Let’s remember that difficult music is difficult, but not impossible.
I do my best to stay clear of music fights. At least 2 or 3 times a month, I hear of some drama between musicians. I don’t enter the fray because I usually have at least one dog in the fight; somebody I have worked with (or will work with soon) is involved. Also music beefs pretty much never get resolved. You have the occasional Simon & Garfunkel reunited concert, but it’s sad and a decade* late. (Hard to pin down. Those guys reunite all the time. You get the idea.) Usually the make-up after a beef is weak (see S & G) or just faked. Plus the whole thing is just sad. Hearing musicians insult musicians is sad. Different folks have different things to bring to the table, and there really is room for all of us. Let me be clear: I’m not talking about convoluted feuds manufactured to garner hype. No, the real stuff. And in the Classical music world especially, these are real, painful, passionate battles. It gets ugly and feelings are hurt. So, I avoid this whole awful mess.
Here are some beef rules:
1. Try to stay out of other people’s beefs.
2. When faced with a beef, try not to take sides. They probably both have good points.
3. If you can’t help but take a side in your heart, try to keep it to yourself. The music world is way too small.
4. If a beef falls in your lap, do everything you can to walk away.
#4 is hard. I had a really difficult/complicated beef fall in my lap a few years ago, and I walked away. I feel guilty and sad and all sorts of horrible about it. People not involved in the beef thought I abandoned ship, that I was a quitter. Nothing is farther from the truth, and it hurts. But the drama was expensive and it was helping nobody, and I walked away. It was the right thing to do.
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Lately Mark O’Connor has been talking about how wrong and horrible Shin’ichi Suzuki was. Or how his methodology is the downfall of Classical music in the U.S. & maybe the world. Or how teachers who use his books or elements of his teachings are on the wrong side of music. I find it all sad and insulting. I’m not saying O’Connor has zero valid arguments AT ALL, but it’s just such a destructive approach. And frankly I love Mark O’Connor and I utilize his method, too. That’s the thing: our work needs to be ADDITIVE. We can use great things from all of the great people, without tearing anybody down. We all know how to do it, if we are half-decent teachers. So don’t insult me Mark O’Connor, assuming I don’t teach creativity and artistry and improvisation, because I do. And just do your thing, you’re awesome at it, and promote your own method. We want to keep liking you.
I don’t know where this expression came from but I’ve heard it here & there over the years, and today I found myself saying it to a student. “Don’t let the perfect get in the way of good.”
We are often so busy striving for perfection that we can’t acknowledge just regular old good. Success in our minds becomes an A+++ instead of an A or (gasp) a B. And if we are honest with ourselves, in at least one subject area each and every one of us is a failing student. In that subject, a C is a major success. C is pretty much HUGE.
Maybe you’re a terrible cook. Making toast is success./Maybe you’re a bad driver. Figuring out how to get around on mass transit is massive. (Or carpooling! Don’t forget to give the driver adequate gas $$. )/Maybe you’re not athletic. Finding & doing a physical activity you don’t completely hate is magnificent.
Let’s all not let perfect get in the way of good.
Nobody has ever said “if only I quit making music years ago!!” or “I should have stopped dancing way sooner!” (Disclaimer: of course quitting bad things like hoarding or smoking is great. That stuff is hard to quit and more power to you.) Don’t quit the things that you love because they are in a lull, or because you are feeling busy or overwhelmed. Don’t quit these things. Pause, maybe. But don’t quit.
Tonight an old student has come back. Chonda hasn’t touched her instrument in 7 years, and she seems sad about it. A few days ago she called me out of nowhere and said she was eager to start playing again. Our conversation ended with me saying “thank you so much for reconnecting” and her saying “thank you so much for having the same phone number.” (so maybe there’s another lesson in there: don’t quit your telephone number, if you can help it). Chonda is so excited to return to something she loved so much, and she regrets having quit when stuff got busy. She has moved from Suzuki book 4-playing to book 1. The bad news: if she had come back sooner, she would be so much farther along. The good news: she is back! And she loves it! And she didn’t wait 20 years to come back! And she will progress way farther than she did originally, so it will get much better much faster. But I’d bet that if Chonda were writing today’s entry, she’d advise: DON’T QUIT.
There is some stuff going on for all of us. Heavy stuff, in many cases. Maybe heartache, maybe mourning, maybe physical or mental illness, maybe discrimination or injustice. The list obviously goes on and on, but my point is that we all face some hardship at least some of the time.
We ALL are fortunate to have music as an outlet. If you are feeling burdened or hurting, remember that creating and playing and listening to music can be comforting. (I say “can be” because it isn’t always… sometimes work is just work.)
Yesterday I felt sad. I got to make music.
Today I felt stressed. I got to make music.
Tomorrow I might be busy or tired. Or I might feel happy and well. Either way, I get to make music.
Let’s remember that we have music, and it’s really very special.
It’s so easy to get weighed down by the negative stuff.
The auditions suck/practicing is hard/music is so complicated/everybody wants something different from me/I struggle financially/playing on stage is actually pretty difficult and weird/no really, it’s hard to make rent $$$/I’ve been told to quit by somebody I respect… it’s kind of endless. There is a lot to fret about as a musician. Really, I can’t stress this enough. There is a lot to fret about, and I’m not sure other folks get this. (Even some musicians, I don’t think they see how hard it is for the rest of us. Just a few of y’all are a little too quick and do you see us struggling? Stop showing off.)
But, there are at least a few bright spots:
- we are doing what we love and care about
- we understand the value of work
- we understand the value of money
- we get to express ourselves. some (maybe most) folks don’t have a venue for dishing their feelings.
- by and large, we gain a healthy sense of community. we learn to work with folks.
- we are doing something noble and amazing, something we ALL are honored to do. (it can be easy to lose sense of this.)
What’s your good news? If you found some, and you have learned to embrace it, please share here!
Whatever the problem or flaw or conundrum is, the plan of action needs to begin with facing it.
(I’m writing this entry almost to myself. I need to remember this more often. Like maybe every single day.)
Reasons we need to FACE IT:
-FACE IT. JUST DO IT. (this isn’t a reason but try it.)
–not facing it gets us nowhere
-worse: on top of no productivity when we don’t face our problems, we then feel terrible about it. (GREAT. Now we’re at no progress AND awful guilt.)
-Often our problems are less horrible than the anticipation of them. Face stuff because then you will at least know what you’re up against.
-facing it gets the ball rolling. Once you get started, tomorrow will only be easier. Now you get to be building on something.
-nobody is saying you have to love it or be amazing at it. just FACE it. take it on. WE ARE TOUGH. WE CAN DO THIS.
let’s FACE our obstacles. I know I need to.
Sometimes we need to remember that any effort forward is better than nothing.
It is too easy to get stuck in “I can’t.” When I was a little girl my dad forbade those 2 words: “I can’t” just was not allowed. Even though I don’t exactly forbid these words in my studio, I do encourage creativity in place of giving up. There is ALWAYS a clever way to move forward. And this isn’t just for kids or beginners: we all need fun little games in our practice if we intend to keep going without losing our minds. Here, a few suggestions.
Just try…
1. going much slower. Exactly how slow can you go?
2. simplifying like crazy. How small can you make the problem? ISOLATE.
3. clever practicing. What is a weird way you can approach your problem? (Often the weirder, the better.)
4. thinking outside of the box. If what you are doing isn’t working, try something different.
5. reaching out. Ask somebody else what worked for them.
above all, JUST TRY.
one note at a time 